that is a good song but completely true ><

right now i wish that i was still a little girl though i was pretty ugly
life was so much simpler and easier!!!

well anyways, i finally decided to get off my lazy but and clean my room this weekend. i moved my bed, my two desks, and my giant wooden dresser. and then found new places for my over 100 stuffed animals and then reorganized all of my shleves while also putting up some more pics on my walls. Mr. Clean magica eraser doesnt work as good as they say! i had to reclean my freakin wall because it left marks and i still couldnt get them off >< but now i have more space and nobody can call me lazy for a while though it still isnt completely clean <3

and basketball started last week, a reaosn why i havent been on a lot really in the past week. cant ocme home until like 7 pm and then i have to take a shower, eat dinner, and then do homework. i worked on an art project and it stole precious hours out of my life! >< well it is very hard but i hope that i can survive because i think i've been gaining weight like a maniac since some of my friends make me eat a lot XD *cough* Tippy*cough* ANWAYS! gummybears are good XD

and i had a bunch of tests that i majorly had to study for and still some more! antoher reaosn why i havent been on and i'm sorry for not telling anyone >< didnt have time to get on

oh and i went to the movies agian with the guy i like, i perfer not to call people by their real names on here because then i feel like a jerk for some reason and i feel like i'm being too specific...just some kind of habit not to call people by their real names. and I finally got it out to tell him! well it wasnt really me -_- but anyways, i find him really fun to be with and i really like him ^w^
I AM GOING TO MURDER FREAKIN HORMONES!!!
puberty is a b-word because i remember when i didnt really have feeling for anyone, when i didnt even really have any friends. when i didnt really care. and now i really love having friends. and now that is why i am feeling like a really awful person
i say things i dont mean to say, i accidently ignore things, i dont get points that people are tyring to get across to me, i am starting to ignore osme of school and have been getting bad thoughts.
i feel like i have been an awful person and a b-word (i am not a swearing person), a brat, a jerk, an antisocial freak, and all those other insults. i'll think back to what i think to myself are bad things and then wish that i could go back in time. whenever i think about certain things, i'll be wlaking and with every step i'll whisper to myself under my breath "i hate you""you're/I'm an idiot""Why did you do that?!""IDIOT!"
okay yeah i talk to myself when nobody is around, but only insults to myself and thats it because i am just that full of regret -fail- problem with that is that it lowers my self esteem even more and it is already at a dangerously low level. and because of that, sometimes friends leave me because i'm too negative. well that just makes me mroe depressed. i dont deserve the friends i have anyways and they deserve better than me for a close friend.
but friends, if I have ever said anyhting mean to you or anything to insult you, anything that seems mean, ANYTHING AT ALL. it was a very big huge mistake and i am regretting every second of it. go ahead and shun and ignore me because i deserve it.


ALRIGHT!

well i have been trying to draw but have been ocming up with blanks. i was planning to go over to Ella's this weekend but her mother decided pretty much no yet again. so Tippy came over and we had a blast! ^.^
next weekend i plan to go to a volleyball state college finals or something like that! and then thanksgiving ^^ and....idk what any other plans are o.o
i plan on writing some mroe of Bloody Moon on the way downstate so hopefully i can put up another chapter!!

talk to you all later!! ^^ idk when i'll be on again but Ill try to whenever i can!
BYE BYE!!!